all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
