She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
