There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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