This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
