yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have feelings that need drinking.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
