i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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