dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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