hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
