I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
