We're facebook friends in real life
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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