yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
