...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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