Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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