When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We need to rekindle our bromance
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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