She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
