I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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