I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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