I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
