Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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