Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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