I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
