i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
