shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
