True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
