just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
