Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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