Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
