My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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