The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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