Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
