I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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