So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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