Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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