I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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