I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
