It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
