Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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