i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
