My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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