i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We have started to decorate penises.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
