ya dads aren't the best wingmen
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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