I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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