My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
