There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize