That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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