No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
