respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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