I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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