the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I checked into jail on foursquare
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
