I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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