oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
