you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
NoShamevember. You game?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
