drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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