dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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