i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
