Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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