and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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