I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
