It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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