Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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