The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
