So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
