actually, I'm a sock model
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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