well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.