Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.

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(937): We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now. http://tfl.nu/61xt

Replies (32) Good night (3029) Bad night (674)
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(916): View more from California

How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.

(1-916): View more from California

Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.

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(916): How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids. (1-916): Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions. http://tfl.nu/28ax

Replies (27) Good night (3960) Bad night (1129)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.

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(502): Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes. http://tfl.nu/a8d2

Replies (15) Good night (6585) Bad night (589)
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(661): View more from California

My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss

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(661): My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss http://tfl.nu/25zw

Replies (41) Good night (6745) Bad night (891)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore

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(203): So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore http://tfl.nu/h83b

Replies (11) Good night (838) Bad night (5301)
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(512): View more from Texas

Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?

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(512): Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it? http://tfl.nu/y99r

Replies (14) Good night (952) Bad night (4193)
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(248): View more from Michigan

She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.

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(248): She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds. http://tfl.nu/bean

Replies (9) Good night (4616) Bad night (1540)
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(516): View more from New York

I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much

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(516): I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much http://tfl.nu/71lk

Replies (1) Good night (1196) Bad night (585)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry

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(304): I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry http://tfl.nu/4kpv

Replies (5) Good night (1384) Bad night (732)
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(305): View more from Florida

I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.

(954): View more from Florida

It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.

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(305): I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight. (954): It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse. http://tfl.nu/qkdj

Replies (7) Good night (1289) Bad night (721)
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(206): View more from Washington

Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?

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(206): Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public? http://tfl.nu/ycaq

Replies (10) Good night (1199) Bad night (520)
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(515): View more from Iowa

It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.

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(515): It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them. http://tfl.nu/9jno

Replies (6) Good night (1206) Bad night (408)
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(512): View more from Texas

Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!

(1-512): View more from Texas

Did she say Ok?

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(512): Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA! (1-512): Did she say Ok? http://tfl.nu/jji5

Replies (8) Good night (2244) Bad night (676)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well

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(+44): well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well http://tfl.nu/kp3m

Replies (4) Good night (283) Bad night (698)
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(661): View more from California

You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.

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(661): You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint. http://tfl.nu/10tx

Replies (1) Good night (702) Bad night (228)

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