our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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