I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
