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• (415): View more from California

  I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.

  (214): View more from Texas

  It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.

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  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all

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• (940): View more from Texas

  You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.

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  23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know

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• (916): View more from California

  the gays at disneyland are vicious

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• (914): View more from New York

  And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.

  (845): View more from New York

  I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?

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• (904): View more from Florida

  I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat

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