There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
