look no pants
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.