I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
