I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
