I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?