is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
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I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus