how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
