Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
