she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
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I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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