I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
