My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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