Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
