Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
