if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
