from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
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Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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