Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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