My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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