I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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