So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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