Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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