Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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