Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn