I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
