I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
