sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
