Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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