It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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