Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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