idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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