talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
