your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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