my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
