so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
