three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
